“In the case of our fair maiden, we have overlooked two very crucial aspects to that myth. On the one hand, none of us ever really believed the sorcerer was real. We thought we could have the maiden without a fight. Honestly, most of us guys thought our biggest battle was asking her out. And second, we have not understood the tower and its relationship to her wound; the damsel is in distress. If masculinity has come under assault, femininity has been brutalized. Eve is the crown of creation, remember? She embodies the exquisite beauty and the exotic mystery of God in a way that nothing else in all creation even comes close to. And so she is the special target of the Evil One; he turns his most vicious malice against her. If he can destroy her or keep her captive, he can ruin the story.”
― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul

There are many divisive messages and concerns in our culture today. Women have risen up in recent times to establish new norms, increase their public value and create a voice. While some of these things are viewed with derision and defensiveness by their male counterparts, I am seeing the the counseling office the effect of man’s power, control and lack of understanding what true intimacy means.

John Eldredge in -Wild At Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul - states the following:

Every woman can tell you about her wound, some came with violence, others came with neglect. Just as every little boy is asking one question, every little girl is, as well. But her question isn’t so much about her strength. No, the deep cry of a little girl’s heart is am I lovely?

Along with her desire to be known as lovely John further points out that we as men have the potential to help their wound by doing three things. These three things are PURSUE, DELIGHT and FIGHT. Women according to John have a desire to be sought out and pursued.

I began to notice the role of men in the sit com’s of 1980’s. Men were portrayed in ways that made them fumbling, passive and mindless. We delighted in the onscreen exploits of Cosby or Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Of course the great castle that Cosby built was a house of cards that later exposed his character was unfaithful and not a model to be emulated. Tim I am not sure about, but while there is derision even in my voice, I think this is due to my desire to increase and tell the story that men are not what culture identifies, names or creates false narratives, but rather men have less and less been caught up in the great adventure that they have to fulfill their roles as figures that dream of conquering, creating, and caring for themselves and others around them.

I am reminded that the proper usage of Anger: Signals an injustice or a threat to our ability to communicate self, and gives us the energy to protect and respect ourselves and others — is a definition that has been lost on both men and women. So much of society equates aggressiveness and overt anger that equates to rage being an effect that is associated with causes or groups on a mission. It’s now become in vogue to capitalize on my groups identification on how I have been wronged. I believe this is continued evidence that man as a whole is wounded, Even more so Women’s movements indicate our lack as men of addressing their wounds.

MSM lately has been called out by leaders or men in our presence that are beginning to see the error of passive natures and just going along with the beliefs they have created in their news rooms. I fear however that it is being reported and viewed by the public as men being overly aggressive and out of control. The pendulum has swung to such a degree that bringing it back the other way appears to be archaic, rude, and uncouth.

We have had a love story with men however when they portray and enter into their true roles. I have two boys that are wrestling and fighting with each other on my living room floor. They are both attempting to find their strength and worth. The younger is scrappy and quite aggressive - Screaming “One, two, three, four, five!!! I got to five!!!” as the older while much stronger is learning kindness and connection by holding back his true power. I love with limits such interactions. They are growing up so well. Their mom grabs a book and begins reading in order to capture their attention and calm the room.

She is a beauty to me. Her influence and recognizing love and limits is something that is so wonderful. Her care for our family is beyond anything I have thought of being. She is a natural. The boys are quiet and imagining the story being spoken and made alive through the sounds of her voice.

When I bring her beauty to her attention, however, there is a small softness that overcomes her face, right before she smiles in gratitude for my recognition. It’s this small softness that betrays the wound. The wound that she doesn’t believe fully in her beauty due to the curse Eve knew from the very beginning.

John Eldredge alludes to the wound being something related to the Garden that she was created in. God’s creativity and provision was completed in Eve. Women didn’t come onto the scene without the scene being complete. They were the last part. The pinnacle of the work being done. So this explains how men can’t seem to take their gaze away from such. They embody the glory of God, as all Creation does, but more so as the intricacies of a master craftsman completed His work. Eve delighted in the things that had been provided her, but also was the weakened way the evil one entered into next chapter.

16 To the woman He said: “I will sharply increase your pain in childbirth; in pain you will bring forth children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

I am sensitive to this statement as this is something that can very much be divisive in our male and female culture. I want to be certain to share that I am seeking out reasons for the wound that a woman would bear as a human being in this world. Perhaps this is why I sense that so many of the conversations with women in my office come to the conclusion that they can’t seem to see any other way of participating in life than being subservient and participating in the ideas of human doing rather than human being.

Directly stated - Your desire will be for your husband. This stands out in this portion to me. God has created the desire within women to want to be pursued, delighted in and fought for. It seems these things weren’t this way in the Garden of Eden. There was parity. There was equal footing in the Garden. So, I am looking at this in a different way finding that God expressed His Sovereign will for a time. There is also the hope for the future in Eternity that such curse and division won’t be present.

How do I pursue, delight and fight? How am I going to realize my spouse is a Child of God? How do I alleviate the wound that women know so that Eternity could be grasped in the here and now. Always living in view of Eternity (ALIVE), I am challenged with balancing my aching self which will be dust some day. Will my pursuit of my wife be what she needs to know. Will she decrease her insecurities and fears in knowing I am in pursuit. Will I delight in the goodness of my wife? Her heart and tenderness. Her service and joy. Her heart language of love. Will I fight for her, making way for her, making much of her, making healing happen to her wound and mine? It is a will and where there is will may God bless it.