A Birth Memory

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14 

My second son was a definitive moment changer for me. Do you have moments where you know that life is different? I know that many of us want for moments, and in some ways they come to us and in other ways they are made.

In this instance the moment that I am referencing in my own mind was one that came to me without working toward fashioning the moment. The moment has become a significant part of what I believe about the sanctity and sacred work that is done in the womb of any mother. Yes, from this statement you can probably tell that I value life over choice, but read on as to why I think this is true and good for me to choose life.

Recently we celebrated Mothers Day in the USA. I think it is wonderful to celebrate such a day and set aside the time to acknowledge their worth. I know some would indicate that Hallmark and AT&T make out big on these days and it's simply a marketing tool for making more. The other camp however is where I lean in that the more that I see my wife parent my son's and love the process, the more my joy is complete and honoring toward her.

She cared enough in advance of becoming a mother, to give a voice to her beliefs that she would one day carry children in her womb. She waited for years for this dream to happen. Both of us were aging in our years and marriage. Sure married couple land and time was fun and we did have more flexibility with many things. But also I remember some very painful times while we were a couple without kids.

Many times I would stand holding up my wife on days where mothers were honored in various public ways and she was still in the waiting. The weight of her pressing in and the drops of tears landing in various ways across my body were preciously painful. Precious in that they were an expression of longing, and painful in that the longing had not subsided and become truth. The tears were precious and sometimes bitter as the longing to bear, hold, and care for her own child was so strong. 

I recall a moment in which she voiced the dream so strongly, that she feared that I was not the appropriate provider or future father person, man child, husband material for such dreams. It was a moment also that motivates me to this day to attempt to care for her needs and our offspring in that the course of that time was proven different and we are farther from that moment. She noted that I would need to remain vigilant in what I did for a living so that she could complete the thought of wanting to be a mother focused on the care in the home children that we could not visualize or know yet. She simply had a fierce desire within her that indicated if dreams were meant to be, then actions of preparation were necessary first for future hopes to come true. Again, that moment was deeply significant and drives what I do at www.myrootedsoul.com so that I might provide a home for all of us. My Rooted Soul of course is a passion for so many ways, but it also allows me to fulfill the leader I need to be for my family and the income provider for my wife and children.

The dream of birth was not to be had for a while, however. In the waiting the longing became stronger. Oh the nights and waiting. Hopes increased only to be dashed. When we did come to the knowledge that we were to be parents, my wife's genuine joy and love for our child ratcheted up so quickly. Some of the details of the pregnancy and what she was willing to do to prepare and care for herself through that time still amazes me. So precious to me. A few times I have written on the blog about my wife and family. I suppose I do so, because they are so much my world.

It's really amazing and stressful to be first time parents. We love caring for our first born. We desire to reach for righteous living and find ourselves engaging in education opportunities for ourselves and him to live in ways that effectively form well rounded and right living futures.

Our second, however, was something not as intense, as somehow having broken the pattern of new the first time our first born has forged the path of knowing within us what some things are like. I don't want you to think there is only one mold, because our second definitely came with his own surprises and instructions, but I do want to cherish life in this post as a way to express joy. I laugh at the thought that instructions were present along with his arrival and merely shake my head now at the thought. The only instructions I have found so far are that I resort to common sense or the next best right choice rather than being fully prepared for what is coming with him.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

The verse above in my mind is so encompassing in what David wrote in Psalm 139. He speaks of the intimate nature of formation. David acknowledges this interaction as though he were fully present to the building of each DNA piece of who God was making in him. David's language here says that the inward began before the outward. When I ponder on the expression there is a rooted seat within me that harmonizes deep within the thought that God would fully have formed each and every sequence and part of me. Not as a scientist would put together strands, but as an artist would form the composition. Your knitting implies a quiet place away from it all. A rhythm and binding that was repetitive but purposeful. A confluence of making all that I am come together in the inner workings of a womb. Placing value on the contribution of two human lives that have come together to give the halves of a whole, so that a new would begin. It is an honor to have a part, but I no longer think I am fully in the know about what happens in a womb. Yes, there was a time when I thought different.

Recent evidence has noted that there is light that is given off in the beginning stages of the meeting of the two halves. I have noted in another portion of Scripture that not only was God the Creator of all that exists, but specifically He created life and light.

John 1:4-5

 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

So in thinking about the opening thoughts that John conveys, it is such a connection to me that at the beginning of every human life there is light. Surely John was speaking of the coming of Christ in the form of a man, but it matches what we know about science in discovering the sequence of what happens. A small light appears when the egg and sperm are united. What a moment. Check it out on the web if you are dubious or doubtful.

The light shines in the darkness. I think of darkness being more than just no light. It has a connotation of the evil that exists. Light has overcome the dark. In the womb Light has overcome the Dark. Light indicates new life is beginning when there is a effervescence or glow that appears in the unification of the DNA and this has been captured on camera. So amazing to me. So much meaning in different ways and perspectives.

I am reminded in those early times before the cellular fireworks of exponentially creating my children as I know them to be today, that God's presence and light is at the beginning of it all. I cherish the thought, because in our modern practice of birth, we frequently peer into the confines of the womb as a baby is being formed through sonograms and technology. What a thought. The technology appears also to get better and more refined all the time. This technology recently gave me the false sense of knowing what I thought I would know to be true. I found very vividly and starkly I had believed in science more than the Power of a Living God to make what was what I now know a holy place. Something He wanted us to know when He revealed the full identity of our second to us when he was born, rather than have us peering into the womb ahead of time thinking we were part of the process of knitting. Sure, you cannot do without the womb, the woman, health, and the right circumstances. But I am attempting to express that technology gave me a false sense of certainty. The thought that tech gives us a picture before they are born is really neat, but I don't trust it anymore. My trust is so much more in God today. I am hinting at the fact that even with all the tech man has, we don't fully grasp the truth of what happens in the womb because we can peer into it. We grasp the truth because it happens in an orderly way and is what I truly believe a miracle of God. He alone causes life to appear. He knits. I provide the yarn, but He knits. Even the yarn in me is something that he created. May God have all of my yarn and all of me. Surrendering and writing it out like this is interesting to me. I hope it blesses you.

So I found joy in a new belief that every child is provided the exact parents and circumstances for their care and well being. I think that there is not one child that is not accounted for by God. you may think that God had abandoned you early because of selfish parents or traumatic circumstances. Some of us really think or know that our parents did not want to be present or attend to well being. It's mind boggling and sad to me. Being selfish humans, I admit I am not a well spring of being the setting and place that is most hungry to lay down my life for the mini me's of the world, but I do so in ways I hadn't know. I press on to do so. Another article I wrote addresses the pressing that happens. I press on to do what I am called to do for them and myself.

My oldest is being creative on the floor, placing blocks together evenly in space so as to make a creation of his own skill. Balancing, repeating, measuring, being gentle, and making what he see's either in his minds eye or what fits one by one. I think that also is a reflection of what God must do in the womb. If we are the yarn, and replication happens, and then there is formation of new from two sets of unique yarn, how He must delight in fitting and placing together much like my oldest is doing in the moment. This is evidence to me that we are a reflection and holy. The holy is interrupted upon entry into a fallen world, and the seed that is passed from generation to generation is imperfect. 

He just came over to me and said "Daddy! look at what I built!" The joy so real and palpable. Or perhaps his jumping up and down indicates a bladder concern. Every parent knows accidents are best addressed before they happen. He wants for me to be engaged and looks for my approval. It's a real joy to give it to him in the form of praise and affirmation. Don't get me wrong. I am not the "atta boy" type all the time. Studies of course differ in so many ways concerning patterns of child parent relationship. This is all another endeavor of a different form so I table it here. 

However, I regress and go back to the moment that he looked and me and wanted to share his joy or seek joy in me. What a moment!

If we have examples of this in daily living, how can we not think that a greater joy of spiritual passion be present in the relationship of a Holy God with us. 

"Daddy, look at me! Do you love me?!?"

My hope is that God the Father responds to your entreaties with assurance.

Well I know that if I am formed, knit, and there is no other that I know of like me. I praise. I praise the Father who is Creator. I take joy. I praise because there is no gift greater than to shout with joy all the earth, or sing, or express glad tidings of great joy. Expression of this is an art. Expression that I hope the Dark never reduces to a whisper, but a whisper itself will shake the depths if that is what is necessary to express praise to the Almighty. Take a moment and try whispering your praise. It is an interesting experience. It's either connecting with the awe, or leads one to proclaim with full voice in later stanzas. Do not forget, however, that as God is knitting, I think he must be whispering a tune to each of use. Perhaps He is the first of where we heard a lullaby. I know it would be healing to me to think that I have a lullaby sung just for me at a whisper in the depth of my mothers womb. 

Rejoice in the fact that God wants relationship with all of His Creation. He delights to know us and he made the time, place and space for all of us to be known by Him. Reach out if you don't know or believe.

You might find Him whispering.

Click on the picture and it will take you to an example of the light process happening upon conception. Hope you enjoy and it makes the same impression that it does on me. God bless.