Walking in Flats: A Journey of Integration, Grace, and Growth
Discarded red stilettos…
I’m struck by a beautiful image in Jamie Adele Wood’s post “Faith in Flats” — she finds a pair of stilettos tucked away in her closet, remembers the confident strides she once made, then gently lays them aside for flats: “Not flashy, but steady. Not stylish, but strong.”
That image resonates deeply with the heart of healing work in Internal Family Systems (IFS). We all carry within us “parts” — voices, feelings, fears, hopes — and the journey is often about learning to walk steadily with them, rather than trying to maintain a posture of perfection or unflappable poise.
In this post, I want to reflect with you:
How Jamie’s metaphor speaks to an internal shift many of us experience (aging, change, surrender).
How IFS offers a framework to love and integrate all the “women we have been” — the bold, the timid, the polished, the raw — into the grounded person we are now.
Ways to walk forward in faith, humility, and authenticity.
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From Heels to Flats: A Metaphor for Inner Evolution
Jamie writes:
> “Those stilettos were a time capsule. A reminder of who I was … I saw those shoes not as a standard I had fallen from, but as a symbol of a season I once lived.”
How often do we clutch onto the heels of our past — our achievements, our appearance, our earlier self-concept — as though they are evidence that we’re “losing ground” when life slows down? She beautifully reframes it: these shoes are not benchmarks to return to, but relics to honor. She celebrates both the woman she was and the woman she is.
In IFS terms, we might call that “heels self” a Manager part — a part driven by standards, striving, image. That part may have served you well in younger seasons — propelling you, protecting you. But life shifts, inner seasons change, and that same part might become burdensome, pushing you to maintain something unsustainable. It’s an invitation to re-story its role.
The “flats self” becomes a metaphor for stability, authenticity, groundedness, daily service. It’s not flashy, but it gets you where you are called to go. That’s a posture many IFS healers would celebrate: coming out of striving into presence.
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IFS & the Many Shoes We’ve Worn
Using the IFS lens, let’s explore three internal “shoes” (or parts) many people encounter — and how we might relate to them with compassion:
Shoe / Part Role & Origin What it Asks of You Path to Integration
The Stiletto Self (Striver / Image-Keeper) A part that drove you to accomplish, to compete, to appear upright. It may have arisen in youth, family expectations, or seasons needing resilience. It asks: Don’t fall. Keep achieving. Don’t rest. Acknowledge its faithful service. Invite it to shift into a support role rather than controller. Let it soften, see its fatigue.
The Flat Self (Grounded / Servant Self) The part that walks in simplicity, values meaning over appearance, finds fulfillment in small steps. It longs for acceptance, to be valid. It asks: Can I be enough just as I am? Nurture it. Give it space. Let it lead on hard days. Celebrate its reliability.
The Nostalgic Shoe (Memory / Longing Part) That voice that says, You used to be… or You aren’t like you were before. It may compare the present to a past ideal. It asks: Can you remember, can you mourn, can you hold both past and present? Sit with it. Let it tell its story. Help it soften judgment. Integrate its beauty into your current path.
In IFS, no part is evil or bad; they all have protective motives. When we shift from fighting or suppressing parts to befriending and curating them, we move toward an internal system that is more harmonious, resilient, and aligned with our True Self (or Self-energy).
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Walking Forward in Grace
Here’s how you might begin to let your internal “flats” lead more, while honoring all parts:
1. Pause and notice. Next time you catch yourself comparing your current life to a past ideal (your own “heels”), gently name that part: “Ah, that’s the Striver speaking.”
2. Offer curiosity, not judgment. Ask the part: “What do you fear if you let my life be simpler?” or “What were you protecting me from back then?”
3. Invite rest and negotiation. You might offer: “I see how hard you’ve worked. Would you let the Flat Self step forward for a season, help me pace, help me stay steady?”
4. Honor the memory. Keep the “heels” as a symbol — because the stories of our past selves deserve acknowledgment — but remind them they don’t have to define your path now.
5. Stay rooted in faith. As Jamie says, “God isn’t asking you to be who you were. He’s inviting you to walk confidently in who you are now.” Let your grounded steps be steps of trust, not striving.
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A Prayer for Your Feet (and Parts)
Lord, help me walk today in the shoes You’ve given me — humble, steady, faithful.
Help me release the burdens of my past seasons, while honoring their beauty and lessons.
Teach me to lead with presence, not performance.
May my internal parts — strong, striving, nostalgic, weary — find rest in Your love.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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