The Critical Voice
In the process of continuing to be a dynamic influencer and having the opportunity to connect with constituents in the area I had the a pleasure to be able to speak at two different types of organizations in this past week. Each of these Church providers has a mission to be a body of believers who is following after Christ Jesus and increasing the development of the sanctification of Christ within their midst. I came away with a greater knowledge of how to reach into the body of believers and encourage and edify their numbers.
I learned a lot because both experiences and ministries were new to me and I found my anxiety very high as I not only began the process of providing what they were requesting to their leadership but also seeking to provide something palpable to the individuals that would be present.
It's kind of weird really what happened in terms of how I remember parts of what I experienced but then other parts were something that were kind of a blur because of the nature of attempting to try and manage my fight or flight experiences. During the blurring of the experience I remember coming back to focus on my preparation and trusting that the words I'd prepared in advance would land where they need to. Hopefully on hearts tender to the topics I had turned my own prepararation and attention toward.
I remember having the same kind of performance anxiety as a boy when I was asked to perform a solo in the Christmas play. I knew all the words and the music prior to the performances but during the performance I found myself not remembering all the words I had rehearsed.
At some point however I realized that those that are listening don't always know if something is missing or present because they are listening to it for the first time.
What's even more comforting is that if I am not depending on my SELF to be the message giver but hoping that I am a conduit of love through the desire that the Spirit of God work in each heart, then it reduces the fear or shame of my critical voice and perfectionist thinking which wants to hijack my amygdala and make me believe I am useless.
This revelation early on as a performer on various stages in my 20's was revolutionary and how I attempt to manage my critical voice inside me is much different now than as a boy.
Hope this encourages you to attempt to try and do things that you think you can't do because of the critical voice that you have inside you and to somehow push through and understand that the perspective that others see and hear isn't the one in your head.
"Your belief about the world's view of you isn't absolute. Christ's view is."