The Velveteen Rabbit thoughts...
This excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit caught my eye recently.
It caused my thoughts to wander.
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?", he asked, "or bit by bit?"
The Skin Horse seemed to speak from a knowing or knowledge of time. The Rabbit knew he did not have the things that the broken machine toys had. He knew that he was made a certain way. Skin Horse noted that Real isn't made. I wonder how this impacts you.
To me it says for a moment that my striving to behave, do, or make is not so important. Kind of saddens me that it's not in the power of the person or object to make it real or loved. It happens to you. Have you been happened? ? Has Happening occurred for you? Has there been a time when happening was wanted or not wanted?
This sometimes is the unspoken as a client determines the value of their "happening" and not just reviewing the circumstances in sessions. As counselor I enjoy how the Skin Horse gently provokes the thought that "it's a thing..." To me the thought doesn't make it about the client, but rather something outside the client, so there is a hint that it's malleable outside of themselves. Clients review and recall "things" in their life and they innately or vividly understand their "things" were "happens to you" or "happened to me" moments. Sometimes it is also the lack of "happening" that is painful as well.
Love as the basis of Real is a deep concept. We are concerned as a society about the latest thing that hurts and it really takes on forms that are so diverse. I was thinking after reading in an article about the piece of paper held by a boy in confinement from his parent who attempted to cross the border in an illegal form as a family leading to their detainment. That paper had a "happening" occurring to it. The paper held the ink in letter and form that was a copy of his mothers identification. Smudged, bent, creased, and tattered on the corners, it was loved. In the midst of "having happened" were there objects around that if they came into your presence again there would be a "happening"?
The last phrase in the excerpt of the Velveteen Rabbit above notes "wound up? or bit by bit?"
Happening appears to be a sudden and instant change, but I think of the many things that are unnoticed until they become apparent. Recently the sunlight was streaming into the common area in our home, and its rays were bright and full of mirth as the setting sun dipped in the West only to be brightening the East, depending on where you are located on this celestial ball. I noted the windows where the light was coming from and my thought was at first "Oh my! they are quite smudged!" The light revealed much, as any energy does, the results of busy hands and sticky faces, most likely placed there when "Daddy is mowing the lawn! Come see, Momma! Daddy is mowing! Yay, Daddy!"
In this moment, however, it was a warming revelation to a heavy heart, that the smudges are not a bother. The smudges are a blessing! The Skin Horse I think is attempting to help the Rabbit know the blessing in his own way. "you don't mind being hurt..." Of course, I am not advocating for subjecting myself to intentional hurt, but sometimes just being in relationship hurts and bonds us in the activity of being interactive and Real with one another. I hope you have a partner that is Real or working to create Real with you.
Book worms would know further development of the story indicates a saddened ending. But is it sad? Is it sad that the Rabbit was happened and then the end was a happen that led to a happening?
Are the strings of my heart, the harmony of my hurts, and the happened of my life, truly OK today? I know a richer light, a deeper pool, a finer perfumed mist because of the happening in my heart, hurts, and life. Sure, there are intrusions and scores that I would rather not account. The scores are grooved and long. The light revealing the pains, the depth revealing a balm. I don't know how to make something different or better, but I know in the moment there is an energy that we can take hold and do different with our belief about what really provokes or shatters the calm. The energy is better able to present itself in the presence of 2 or 3. The support you see in the story is that there was a learning that was "happening" from Horse to Rabbit. From one to the other. Their pattern gentle and calm. Their measure forward and consistent.
I don't know what to exactly think about current cultural dilemma's, but I know my heart turns, quickens, or beats in irregular pattern sometimes at the attention to hurts. I spend time attending to stories of hurts from long ago or recent because I know hurt to be a deciding factor in how one is resilient. The channeling and measure of this emotion will determine other feelings and actions later on.
Is your happening OK?
If you want to work more on your "happening", please reach out to me at 972-716-3841.